Friday, March 5, 2021

DISCO KEVIN HAS SOMETHING TO SAY



THIS IS NOT A FLAT (0, 0)
Et Tu, Ettu, or Etui, however you want to refer to yourself. 
I now have access to your blog.
I pretended to be Disco Kevin to gain your trust.
The moment you gave me your log-in info to write my post,
I changed the HTML to freeze your website
so that you would freak out.
I knew you would be incapable of finding and fixing it.
In doing that, I was able to stall time to hack into your e-mail
to change the password for your account.
After doing that, I logged you out and unfroze the site.
It is mine now.

BACKSTORY (6, 6)
I’ve been the subject of your jokes since this blog began.
I am tired of seeing my name sullied for your horrible puzzles.
You all laugh at me.
I’ve seen your “about me” page, where you say your name is an anagram of “ardian powell”.
Guess what. I’ve had enough of this mockery.
I’m not actually a man named Disco Kevin.
My name is Darian Powell, and I am a crossword constructor.

REALIZATION (0w0)
How dare you think I’m so clueless,
thinking I wouldn’t recognize my own name
with only the first two letters switched around.
I’m not your little plaything.
I'm tired of the relentless mockery: saying I’m the constructor
of one of the worst puzzle websites at the time,
turning me into a meme among you and your community.
This stops now.

LETTER BANK (2, 3)
The fuzzy heads on fursuits
Aren’t great for seeing through.
I tripped real bad at AnthroCon—
I first said “THREE,” then “TWO!”

THREAT (8, 2)
I now know your identity.
I will reveal it to the world if you don’t promise me these three things:
1) never make a joke about me ever again.
2) you must tell people to follow my blog darianxwords.blogspot.com
3) you must write up my puzzles on your blog the day I post them with a glowing review

Your move, Et Tu Etui

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

puzzle one hundred and twenty: i'd be hard-PRESSED to tell you what this theme is (wink)

i really regret making someone a theme answer in this puzzle after the events of this week. anyway this is the post.

Monday, March 1, 2021

puzzle one hundred and nineteen: eat shit (baby baby ooh) uhh (disco kevin guest puzzle)

guest puzzle by my muse: disco kevin, the mad dude with the rad 'tude! (note: keep the guest constructor for this puzzle in mind. disco kevin is "A THING", okay? it's going to be VERY important later this week. just keep it in mind. disco kevin. cool.)

Friday, February 26, 2021

FLATS FRIDAY 3X2

flats be like:

B-TO-CH CHANGE (4, *5)
Happy BIRTHDAY to you,
Happy BIRTHDAY to you,
Happy BIRTHDAY dear CHIRTHDAY,
Happy BIRTHDAY to you!

UNEXPECTED PISSING (3, *2-*4)
This nursery rhyme bangs, it’s plays on a loop, see
There’s just no CLEAN PANTS that’s like “Little OOPSIE”

LETTER BANK (10, *8 5)
My gamer boyfriend’s immature
(I’m sorry, it’s a fact).
Though he had V-bucks, to be sure,
his V-card stayed intact.
But then we did *you know* in bed
(though, yes, I’ll say that we’re unwed).
I hoped he’d mellowed, but instead,
he did a DEED after we ED.

CENSORSHIP (4, 4)
I don't give a SHIT 'bout your utensil pack
I don't need a knife, spoon, or SHOOT for my snack

LETTER BANK (8, *7 6)
We’ve all dealt with our THINGS here,
If you’re the unwed sort,
Log in and join our INSIGHT for
emotional support




click the button for answers

BRIS/CHRIS | BOP/BO PEEP | FORNICATED/FORTNITE DANCE | FUCK/FORK | DIVORCE/DISCORD SERVER

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

puzzle one hundred and seventeen: rejected puzzle

dear newspapers,

I am constantly upset by the lack of respect I have been recieving in your submissions processes. I give you my good grid, and you leave me in the lurch like a stray dog, left for dead in a sea of misery and bereavement. my soul pangs in hunger for a single drop of validation, yet I recieve nary. oh crossword overseers, what have I BECOME to you?? such that you not only deny my presence in your papers, but also in your hearts. this puzzle was sent to MULTIPLE outlets and rejected for NO reason. this is a TECHNICAL MARVEL and the fact that I even thought so much as to SELL it is a TESTAMENT to my TRUST.

I now bequeath this puz unto thine web browser in hopes that its unrecognized glory speaks to your very mind and soul. if anybody has any suggestions on how to make it more marketable, feel free to hit my e-mail

Monday, February 22, 2021