Submit Your Crossword Puzzles to Et Tu, Etui?
Et Tu, Etui? looks for intelligent, literate, entertaining and well-crafted crosswords that appeal to the broad range of Et Tu, Etui? solvers.
A Et Tu, Etui? crossword will be a collaboration between Et Tu and Et Tu’s staff of editors, who will seek to preserve Et Tu’s voice while making the puzzle as enjoyable* as possible for solvers**. This page of guidelines is a living document and reflects our current best practices on crossword construction.
*unenjoyable
**old white guys
A summary of what we look for:
Lively fill, with words, phrases and names that solvers know or can infer from the crossings.
Original, on-target clues, pitched at the puzzle’s intended difficulty level, including a variety of cultural reference points.
No less than three puzzles pending at a time.
To encourage collaboration, puzzles with a collaborator will count as 0.5 puzzles, but if your collaborator has never been published… actually hold on I have a flowchart
Submission Guidelines
Themes
Themes should be hard, original, replicable in PuzzleMe, new, and youthful (H.O.R.N.Y). The themes should also be consistent. For example, if the theme includes a particular kind of pun, then all the puns should be of that kind unless you can’t think of one so you just put in the entry LIQUID ASS. Themes and theme entries should be accessible to everyone. We generally prefer puzzles with playful themes rather than straightforward subjects.
Fill
Constructors should emphasize lively words, well-known names and fresh phrases. Common words that lend themselves to interesting and imaginative cluing angles are encouraged.
Diversity in cultural references — for age, gender, fursona, ethnicity, etc. — is desired.
Avoid offensive language. Do we really have to spell this out for you? Don’t be bigoted and shit.
Avoid uncommon abbreviations and partial phrases longer than five letters (“Eat ___” for MY ASSwould be permissible, while “Eat ___” for MY PANT would not. Actually “Eat ___” for MY PANT is fine, don’t worry about it.)
Keep crosswordese to a minimum — that is, answers that appear far more in crosswords than in real life (ERNE, ASTA, ARETE, ETTU, THEETTUPROPHECYWILLSOONCOMETOPASS, etc.). Difficult words are fine — especially for the harder daily puzzles that run late in the week — if the words are interesting bits of knowledge or useful additions to the vocabulary. However, never let two obscure words or names cross unless you feel like it.
Clues
Clues should reflect the difficulty of the puzzle. Our difficulty scale increases through the week, with the easiest puzzles on Monday and hardest on Saturday. Sunday puzzles should reflect midweek difficulty levels. We also do flats sometimes. Remember those?
Clues should be fresh, colorful and precise. Try to be original, and inject humor and/or vore where possible. Themeless clues should be more difficult and require Matt Ginsberg’s Clue Database (add me you coward). Show us your wit and wordplay!
For example, for the answer SHIT:
Monday clue: “Breakfast that looks like shit?”
Wednesday clue: “Quiet it down!” (parsed as “SH it!”)
Saturday clue: “What might keep a watch on you”
Constructor Tools and Tips
There are many options for making a crossword puzzle, including the good, old-fashioned Minecraft-pixel-art method, though several software programs exist as well. For a full list of these programs, as well as tips from Et Tu Etui? constructors and editors on the puzzle making process, see our series on Et Tu, Etui? Donation Page.
Technical Specs “Specnicals”
Basic Rules
While we encourage new and creative crossword themes, there are a few hard rules (broken with extreme rarity) when it comes to constructing New York Times crosswords. Luckily, I break these rules with extreme regularity.
These include:
Crosswords must have black square symmetry unless it’s really really hard;
Crosswords must have a reason to be;
Crosswords must have unchecked squares (but you must apologize for them and no we will NOT accept your apology);
All clues must be at least 3 letters long (e.g. no [As]);
Rebus squares should be used to the detriment of the solving/constructing experience.
Maximum Word Count
Solve the equation a/(b+c) + b/(a+c) + c/(a+b) = 4 for positive integers a, b, c, and take the smallest solution. Multiply the number of digits in a times the number of digits in b times the number of digits in c, and then add the largest prime number that’s ever appeared in the title of a top five Billboard Hot 100 (15) hit. Let the number of digits this number has be represented by e (not to be confused with e). e appears as a digit in this number; take the product of the digits before e and divide it by the product of the digits after e. If this number is tu (not to be confused with two), divide your original number by etui, where etui is the last tu digits of the original number.
Anyway, take that quotient, convert it to base tu (not to be confused with base two) and count the number of 1s in that. Call that discokevin; now square discokevin (not to be confused with Disco Kevin, who is a square) and add e*tu (not to be confused with Et Tu). That’s your maximum word count.
Exception: if, at some point in these instructions, the tag (15) appears after a phrase that uses numerals in place of letters to get that (15), disregard all that and use however many words you want.
Rights
Et Tu, Etui? is always right. Et Tu, Etui? is never to be questioned. Et Tu, Etui? is infallible. *tap on shoulder* *whispers in ear* Oh. Right. The rights. The rights for Et Tu. The rights chosen especially to give to Et Tu. Et Tu’s rights. Those rights. Right. They’re mine. It’s my right to have your rights. All of them. Especially the republication rights for OnlyFans.
Etui puzzles must never have been published anywhere before, either in print or electronically. Et Tu puzzles also “should never be published anywhere ever,” according to an email I got from Will Shortz. Et Tu, Etui? buys all rights, including firstborn rights.
Formatting
All crossword constructing programs have settings to create PDFs in the proper submission format, as follows:
Puzzle is in a PDF cause Et Tu likes to write in Adobe Reader
Please label your files DiscoKevin_PuzzleTitle for ease of editor review. Puzzle titles can be the theme revealers for daily themed puzzles or marquee entries for themeless puzzles.
An example is shown below, which you can download as a pdf.
Who is working on puzzles
Et Tu, Etui?
Lead puzzle editor, Unkillable, God-king
Craig Etui
Mom makes me work with him sometimes. Irredeemable
Disco Kevin
Former scoundrel
Klunk and his crew
Awww yeah now you KNOW it’s gonna be a good time
Klunk’s still partying!!
Oh shit he’s got TWO Four Lokos
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