puzzle one hundred and eighteen: eat my shorts

yeah i'm talking to you bob dole

FLATS FRIDAY 3X2

flats be like:

B-TO-CH CHANGE (4, *5)

Happy BIRTHDAY to you,

Happy BIRTHDAY to you,

Happy BIRTHDAY dear CHIRTHDAY,

Happy BIRTHDAY to you!

UNEXPECTED PISSING (3, *2-*4)

This nursery rhyme bangs, it’s plays on a loop, see

There’s just no CLEAN PANTS that’s like “Little OOPSIE”

LETTER BANK (10, *8 5)

My gamer boyfriend’s immature

(I’m sorry, it’s a fact).

Though he had V-bucks, to be sure,

his V-card stayed intact.

But then we did *you know* in bed

(though, yes, I’ll say that we’re unwed).

I hoped he’d mellowed, but instead,

he did a DEED after we ED.

CENSORSHIP (4, 4)

I don't give a SHIT 'bout your utensil pack

I don't need a knife, spoon, or SHOOT for my snack

LETTER BANK (8, *7 6)

We’ve all dealt with our THINGS here,

If you’re the unwed sort,

Log in and join our INSIGHT for

emotional support

click the button for answers

BRIS/CHRIS | BOP/BO PEEP | FORNICATED/FORTNITE DANCE | FUCK/FORK | DIVORCE/DISCORD SERVER

puzzle one hundred and seventeen: rejected puzzle

dear newspapers,

I am constantly upset by the lack of respect I have been recieving in your submissions processes. I give you my good grid, and you leave me in the lurch like a stray dog, left for dead in a sea of misery and bereavement. my soul pangs in hunger for a single drop of validation, yet I recieve nary. oh crossword overseers, what have I BECOME to you?? such that you not only deny my presence in your papers, but also in your hearts. this puzzle was sent to MULTIPLE outlets and rejected for NO reason. this is a TECHNICAL MARVEL and the fact that I even thought so much as to SELL it is a TESTAMENT to my TRUST.

I now bequeath this puz unto thine web browser in hopes that its unrecognized glory speaks to your very mind and soul. if anybody has any suggestions on how to make it more marketable, feel free to hit my e-mail

puzzle one hundred and sixteen: border crossings

i live in [insert state] and i love my city [something that starts with "san"] 

puzzle one hundred and fifteen: dont put all your egs in one basket

cause i sure did! ugh

FLATS FRIDAY 5IVE: THE LETTER BANK EPISODE

you know what they say: flats today, flats only today.

flats rules!

LETTER BANK (8, *2 *6  *6)

I caved and saw those videos

my friends URGED me to watch

from RUGGED on the Internet

of cysts and zits and spots

LETTER BANK (10, 8 3 3 12)

If Twitter is a river

where information’s flowing,

It feels like I am racing BOATS

with no sure sign of slowing.

I get caught up in arguments

with users who don’t care,

with "TABOOS" in their bio

(though if true, why would they share?)

LETTER BANK (5, 3 5)

I’ve quite a story for you now,

So let me fill the page

I knew that I liked gulping fic

From quite an early age

The other kids played CATCH outside,

But I just couldn’t follow.

I spent time wishing I’d be CHAT

(It’s quite a pill to… swallow)

LETTER BANK (*4, *20)

On YouTube I’m having a blast!

The video choices are vast—

I’m quenching my thirst

to hear Usher sing “FIRST”

Then listen to He-Man sing “LAST”

LETTER BANKLESS (6, 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 *6)

I’m watching superhero ‘toons

While tending to my chicken coop.

I feed a little HOP with corn

And hear the theme song go “OH POOP.”

click the button for answers

IMPLORED/DR. PIMPLE POPPER | DOWNSTREAM/RETWEETS ARE NOT ENDORSEMENTS | VORED/RED ROVER | YEAH/HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA | BANTAM/NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMAN

puzzle one hundred and fourteen: borat tribute puzzle

this might be the worst crossword of all time... NOT! get it? like borat? hello? can you even hear me? ("waving through a window" by evan hansen starts playing)