puzzle one hundred and eighteen: eat my shorts

yeah i'm talking to you bob dole

FLATS FRIDAY 3X2

flats be like:

B-TO-CH CHANGE (4, *5)

Happy BIRTHDAY to you,

Happy BIRTHDAY to you,

Happy BIRTHDAY dear CHIRTHDAY,

Happy BIRTHDAY to you!

UNEXPECTED PISSING (3, *2-*4)

This nursery rhyme bangs, it’s plays on a loop, see

There’s just no CLEAN PANTS that’s like “Little OOPSIE”

LETTER BANK (10, *8 5)

My gamer boyfriend’s immature

(I’m sorry, it’s a fact).

Though he had V-bucks, to be sure,

his V-card stayed intact.

But then we did *you know* in bed

(though, yes, I’ll say that we’re unwed).

I hoped he’d mellowed, but instead,

he did a DEED after we ED.

CENSORSHIP (4, 4)

I don't give a SHIT 'bout your utensil pack

I don't need a knife, spoon, or SHOOT for my snack

LETTER BANK (8, *7 6)

We’ve all dealt with our THINGS here,

If you’re the unwed sort,

Log in and join our INSIGHT for

emotional support

click the button for answers

BRIS/CHRIS | BOP/BO PEEP | FORNICATED/FORTNITE DANCE | FUCK/FORK | DIVORCE/DISCORD SERVER

puzzle one hundred and seventeen: rejected puzzle

dear newspapers,

I am constantly upset by the lack of respect I have been recieving in your submissions processes. I give you my good grid, and you leave me in the lurch like a stray dog, left for dead in a sea of misery and bereavement. my soul pangs in hunger for a single drop of validation, yet I recieve nary. oh crossword overseers, what have I BECOME to you?? such that you not only deny my presence in your papers, but also in your hearts. this puzzle was sent to MULTIPLE outlets and rejected for NO reason. this is a TECHNICAL MARVEL and the fact that I even thought so much as to SELL it is a TESTAMENT to my TRUST.

I now bequeath this puz unto thine web browser in hopes that its unrecognized glory speaks to your very mind and soul. if anybody has any suggestions on how to make it more marketable, feel free to hit my e-mail

puzzle one hundred and sixteen: border crossings

i live in [insert state] and i love my city [something that starts with "san"] 

puzzle one hundred and fifteen: dont put all your egs in one basket

cause i sure did! ugh

FLATS FRIDAY 5IVE: THE LETTER BANK EPISODE

you know what they say: flats today, flats only today.

flats rules!

LETTER BANK (8, *2 *6  *6)

I caved and saw those videos

my friends URGED me to watch

from RUGGED on the Internet

of cysts and zits and spots

LETTER BANK (10, 8 3 3 12)

If Twitter is a river

where information’s flowing,

It feels like I am racing BOATS

with no sure sign of slowing.

I get caught up in arguments

with users who don’t care,

with "TABOOS" in their bio

(though if true, why would they share?)

LETTER BANK (5, 3 5)

I’ve quite a story for you now,

So let me fill the page

I knew that I liked gulping fic

From quite an early age

The other kids played CATCH outside,

But I just couldn’t follow.

I spent time wishing I’d be CHAT

(It’s quite a pill to… swallow)

LETTER BANK (*4, *20)

On YouTube I’m having a blast!

The video choices are vast—

I’m quenching my thirst

to hear Usher sing “FIRST”

Then listen to He-Man sing “LAST”

LETTER BANKLESS (6, 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 *6)

I’m watching superhero ‘toons

While tending to my chicken coop.

I feed a little HOP with corn

And hear the theme song go “OH POOP.”

click the button for answers

IMPLORED/DR. PIMPLE POPPER | DOWNSTREAM/RETWEETS ARE NOT ENDORSEMENTS | VORED/RED ROVER | YEAH/HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA | BANTAM/NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA BATMAN

puzzle one hundred and fourteen: borat tribute puzzle

this might be the worst crossword of all time... NOT! get it? like borat? hello? can you even hear me? ("waving through a window" by evan hansen starts playing)

puzzle one hundred and thirteen: but i'm not a wrapper

i'm gonna be real. i really dropped the ball on this one. this grid has two-letter words, unches, and some of the words don't even make sense. i hold myself to a high standard, honing my craft in hopes that one day i can follow in the footsteps of my hero, arthur wynne. this was a failure on my part. solve knowing that this is puzzle is not who i am, and not who i want to be.

puzzle one hundred and twelve: not a vore puzzle

i've been getting tons of fan mail requesting another vore puzzle, and i hear you, i really do, but today's puzzle is not a vore puzzle. i know, i know, vore this, vore that, one vore, two vore, red vore, blue vore, but seriously. not a vore puzzle.

now if you'll excuse me, i have tons to do.

 

answers to yesterday's flats: CORBYN, BRONYCON / CALL/BOCK/ ...you know the other two / STEAMY, EAT MY ASS / RAP BEEF, BPA-FREE

FLATS FRIDAY IV

 

here are the flats! wait fuck fuck fuck these are round.

answers tomorrow!

puzzle one hundred and eleventy one: partially filled puzzle

this puzzle is inspired by the fact that "penis" was in a new york times puzzle, clued as a partial, included in the xwordinfo word list, and then scored at a 20, which is tiers above being a "puzzle-killer".

wait a minute what the fuck is this

puzzle one hundred and ten: the before times

ok so you guys know that episode of spongebob where spongebob and patrick are raising a clam baby and the baby shits so much that spongebob has to put all the dirty diapers inside the walls of his house. what the fuck was that about. okay here's a puzzle.

puzzle one hundred and nine: check, check, check, and check

small puzzle today. square 19 is checked four times, so it's gotta be the easiest part of this entire puzzle. 

answers to yesterday's flats: INVADERS / DINERS DRIVE-INS AND DIVES, GMAIL / LIGMA, DIN-DIN / DINED IN, R L STINE / RSTLNE, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ / BIG BIRD SINGS GOOD A QUIZZICAL WORD TO TEACH KIDS EVERY LETTER IT’S JUST LIKE THE TEXT I’M WRITING NOW A FLAT WHICH GOES LIKE BETTER

FLATS FRIDAY: #3

what has two thumbs and loves wordplay? THAT'S RIGHT, FLATS FRIDAY DOES, AW YEAH!!!

flats rules: [link].

LETTER BANK (8, *6 *5-*3 3 *5) The WHOS broke into some cafe, To try and grab some loot. But Guy was filming there that day— he had to save his shoot. He splashed some grease! The crooks were burned, And on that day, a lesson learned: You mess with SHOWS, you’re going down. Don’t fuck with Mr. Flavortown. TRANSPOSAL (*5, 5) Today on TUMBLR I received a message so disturbing, A friend of mine got news that a disease was in them stirring. The ailment is unknown to me, its name I haven't heard, So in reply I sent a message asking them, "What's BLURMT?" UNADULTERATED MDMA INSERTION (3-3, 5 2) After hours of work at the grind, I was ready to eat up my MIND, I referred to the 'hub For the optimal grub, And after it got here, I MINED. PASTEOVER (*1 *1 *5, *6) I made it to the bonus round: The answer will be a name. The letters blink, and instantly, I know the answer's MCLAIN. I gave no consonants or vowel, But trust me, I won't be wrong, This author's name is easy When they give you all of MILAN. LETTER BANK (26, *3 *4 5 *4 1 9 4 2 5 4 5 6 2’1 4 4 3 4 1’1 7 3 1 4 5 4 4 *6) Big Bird sings GOOD, a quizzical word To teach kids every letter. It’s just like the text I’m writing now: A flat, which goes like “BETTER.”

answers tomorrow!!

puzzle one hundred and eight: final project for stupid space class [CHANGE NAME LATER].puz - by stanley yelnats and the N.A.S.A. crossword class

today's puzzle comes from longtime contributor stanley yelnats, along with the N.A.S.A. crossword class. here are their space comments:

Space Addie came up with the theme for this one, and we like it lots! Stanley was super fun to work with when he wasn't asking the students if they wanted to invest in "Bipcoin". Also, this is a callout post to Space Priscilla, who didn't contribute anything to this puzzle and shouldn't be getting credit for the group project.

puzzle one hundred and seven: at the halloween play...

happy halloween! here's a puzzle.